is time supposed to go so fast? a couple of blinks and there goes 2005.. does anyone feel the same way? they always say time passes fast only when you're having a great time.. somehow, i beg to differ on that idea..
gah... will update again when i have more ideas la.. hehe
but..MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL! :p
most of these problems stem from my education.. now that i think i'm 99% sure that i'm going to leave taylor's.. i don't know where to go.. with the new year just around the corner.. what, just a little more than a week away, i have to make my decisions quick.
hmmm.. maybe to some of my friends now, my results seem kinda okay. a lot of them are looking to pass, some just getting more than average will do just fine. but i don't know.. maybe it's because i've been living and growing up in the pressurized environment that makes me wanna achieve so much more.. recently, i got back my results from my last semester in taylor's.. and i got a measly B-, C-, and yet another C-.. and in the end, pulling my CGPA down to 2.45 from 2.75 from a maximum of 4. when i was at 2.75, i remember telling myself that i should buck up, and try my hardest not to dissapoint my parents and also, more importantly, my own expectations.. but i failed, miserably.
in the beginning it was okay. then it all began to sink. everything that i promised myself suddenly didn't mean anything to me. i don't know why it happened, or that i wanted it to happen, but it just disappeared.. i was forsaking my education to pursue something that all teens want.. Fun and Freedom. it's not that i didn't realise this early also.. i DID. but still, i did nothin to stop my turmulous descent to educational dysfunction.
it was only after my exams, when it was evident that it was already too late, did i begin to realise that this can't do. i can't go on like this flushing down my parents money down the toilet. then i began to trace down the roots of my problem.. in the beginning, i thought it was the surroundings i was in.. for example, in taylor's, i think it was common knowledge that people who wanted to look for me, the first place they had to look was either in class, or Rack. most of the time, it was the latter.. so it was pool which was slowly pulling my attention that i had placed for my education.. then i also thought it couldn't be only that which was ruining my education. then i thought that maybe it could be the peers i mix with. could it be? why not.. after all, it is common knowledge that a teenager's personality and self identity would inadvertly be decided on the people you mix with.. could it be that because i was starting to go clubbing, or come home late at night? could it be that i was placing a bigger importance on pleasing my friends, and fulfilling their requests that i go out??
i was wrong.
in the end, it was only obvious that the only reason i've been getting all this horrendous results was plain and simple : ME. i had no one to blame but myself and my lack of discipline. after all, thinking about it, the power to be devoid of all these problems rested on whether i had the sense to forget about pool and focus more on my education.. it also rested on my sensibility on deciding whether i should or should not go out, or spend time with my friends when the numerous appointments with my books haven't been met.
so it's me who has to change.. and i seriously and truly want to change. i realise my mistakes and the age old adage that it's never too late to learn has made my will to succeed even stronger. all i want is to please myself with the results that i can be proud of.. and be the person my parents would want.. although people might come and tell me that it's my life to live and that my parents should accept who i am.. i still feel that how i am right now is not right.. my upbringing might be the reason this is.. and i want my parents to be proud to have a son like me. the sacrifices my parents have made for me.. their wishes of happiness and success for me have made me realise that i shouldn't, i can't be that selfish to put my happiness through FUN AND GAMES in front. after all, what they want is the best for me.. it is my mother's wish to see at least one of her son's come back overseas with a degree and i'm determined that it be me..
now, my parents want me to go to Inti, Nilai to further my studies and in a years time, transfer to America to study.. but i don't know why.. the first and only time i had a visit to their campus in nilai, i had a sorta bad impression or a gut feeling that i was never going to fit in there.. today i had went through almost 3 hours of constant pressure from my mother and my aunt to ask me to give it a try there.. but what if i really can't acclimatise myself there? in the end, i would be again, dissapointing them..
so now.. i am thinking to take the MUFY from sunway college.. although i have heard from numerous friends that it is undeniabl the hardest of foundations from most colleges, i'm determined to try and succeed. and after the one year there, go over to australia for 3 years to complete my degree.
nothin is decided though.-------------------------------
now for the second part of my story.. for a long part of my life.. i've always been the person who hides my feelings.. who casts a mask over myself in reality.. in the eyes of my friends, i can be described as someone who is lively, who is very friendly, the typical extrovert you may say.. deep down inside.. i've always told myself not to be a burden to ANYONE at all.. that's why i always try to stay happy.. to stay worry free.. so that no one would worry about me.. so that no one would even cast a thought about me.. i didn't want to be a selfish person who would occupy anyone's thoughts when they could have better things to think about..
but in these few months, that has been increasingly hard to do.. the constant pressure exerted by these hidden and untouched emotions have been slowly inching their ugly faces out.. these angry, sad, and well, generally negative emotions kept boiling in myself until sometimes i just feel like.. doing the worst to myself.. jsut to let some of the steam out.. it's hard to dsecribe, that feeling.. i guess, the limit to keeping all that emotion has been met a long time ago.. and now it hasn't anywhere to go, besides me showing them..
then i ask myself.. why do you put yourself through this pain? why? i guess it's become part of my life.. i do it without knowing.. it's second nature i would say after doing it over and over again for such a long time..
though i don't have those occasional bursts of rage and anger.. i still feel sad most of the times these days.. and there are only a couple of things that truly and genuinely make me happy.. these things are like the jewels in my life because they're so hard to come by.. everytime i'm engaging myself in these activities, it's like a different me.. i can smile and sometimes laugh to myself.. (i know it sounds like i'm a crazy maniac..) it just truly releases me from the anger and the burden held up inside me.. as of me typing now.. i can only name one thing that can make me happy to that extent.. [won't be naming it here though. :D ]
hmmmm.. let's just make things short here.. wouldn't wanna bore you with all the details.. but then.. the decision i have to make could have a negative effect on this one thing i treasure most in my life at the moment.. yes.. it could dissapear.. :(
drowning myself in the wails of madness that goes on deep in my soul.
begone, wretched feelings!
the time has arrived. no more pain. no more suffering.
goodbye.------------------------------went to mv to catch king kong yesterday.. the movie was kinda okay actually.. although there were some parts where it was kinda evident they were using a blue background to film.. hahah.. kinda not something you expect in a movie that cost $203 million. :Dwoke up at around ermm.. 10 cuz of sabs call! grrr.. hahaha.. then couldn't go back to sleep adi.. had some funny feeling about my stomach then.. it was kinda like the cross between i'm hungry but i feel super full type of feelings.. dunno la.. at around 130 left home to fly all the way to PJ to fetch sabs and kel to mv.. thanks to the wonders of my great memmory and Google Earth i was able to find their place without much hassle.. hehehe..MV WAS SO PACKED! i mean the outside la.. on a tuesday even.. omggg.. it's become somewhat a hassle to drive to these types of places.. anyways.. 20 minutes later, we found a parking spot. THANK GOD!then met up with moon yee, her cousin (whose name i didn't get. :p ), julia and cheese. watched the movie and went for dinner at kim gary. as a result of my overturned stomach i didn't eat anything, just had yin yong ice to drink. stayed there and chatted for 2+ hours then went a lil shopping in topshop where ju bought a blue top while i stared green with envy of people who were able to shop at quiksilver. T.T took pictures after that and then we went home.hmmm.. the day was alright i would say. hehe.
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here's one..basically a site on how to quit smoking.. hahaha.. i like the picture where it tells you how smokers quit smoking.. COLD TURKEY IS #1. omg. is it true? try it this christmas and see k?another one..
cute huh? just put your address in, and it somehow counts the... oh, go figure!------------------------------------wow.. today i went to enquire on my future education.. and OMFG.. nottingham is friggin bloody huge wei! hahahahaa.. i was so friggin inpressed.. out of a 10, i give the place a 8. why? cuz it's new, the first impression really lasts, security was a lil bit mafan la.. but mafan means good security right? there's like a big lake in front of the campus (not that it matters la, but i'm just mentioning it), the offices and the administration buildings were really something expected of a new place (it opened only in august this year), spotless and modern, the outer facade of the building is the epitome of the word: WOW. but i guess, the only drawback was the bloody distance! friggin far man.. imagine, from taman bukit teratai, which is like a couple kilometres from pandan indah la, nottingham was like friggin fifty-four kilometers man. and it's not all highway distances. we had to go through some kampung type trunk roads and all.. to exemplify: you can see buffalos grazing the fields on your sides. O.oso in conclusion, the trip was good. so if i were to study there, i would be staying there. travelling everyday up and down that road, even though i'm not driving.. it's just not gonna happen. :D
anyways.. just an update on my life la.. this past weekend and the friday before that has been the absolute bomb man.Friday Nightnight to look forward to!!! Armin van Buuren @ Zouk!! got to zouk at around like 11 and OMGKNNCCB it was so friggin packed man.. SO MANY PPL WERE LINING UP LIKE IT WAS SOME RAVE PARTY!! O.o so we were like how TF are we getting in man.. luckily the gods were looking down upon us and johnson knows the manager there and we got to skip the "at-least 400 metre line". THANK GOD! thanks johnson! :Dgot in and found it ........... kinda empty. hahahaa.. everyone was outside lining up.. wahaha.. i felt so good getting in so early.. hehe.. so it was like 1130 and the resident DJ was playing.. overall he played quite a good set i would say.. nice house music.. (i only enjoy house music in a club.. only they have the bass to make house music work for me.. hehe) he played a few tracks which i heard b4 but just couldn't put my finger on to remember the name.. Z noticed too.. hehe..at around 1220, AvB came man!! everyone was like went ballistic. hahaha.. typical of a Dj, he played a few tracks which were absolutly new.. never heard of em' before.. but still.. GREAT FUCKING MUSIC MAN! and i was lucky enough to be right in front of him when he was playing his set.. and really just feelin the music throughout the 2+ hours i heard him play.. and overall i would rate his set a 9/10.. friggin good stuff wei... hahaha.. it's like you hear him play.. or i would say any other Dj in the top 10 in the world.. and you can actually see the obvious difference between them and the resident Djs.. it's like what Z said, "they know what they're playing" and also.. it's their own songs that they're playing.. one funny incident happened though.. a hardcore fan was like screaming for him to sign his 3 albums that he brought.. and i saw one of them was titled TIESTO.. i was like "OMFGBBQKNNCCB!!!??? what the hell are you doing???" hahaha.. but even funnier.. armin just laughed it off and signed it anyways.. hehehe..in the end.. before i went off, i shook his hand la. :D 
thereafter, we headed back to johnson's place.. stopped by for some CUM-li burgers.. OMFG.. they Suck.. hahaha.. don't eat there.. it's the burger stall near 7-11 in ampang.. near the SPCA.. but then again, it was a good night.. so i wasn't in the mood to be unhappy.. hehe.. in the end, spent the night in Jem's hse..Saturdayfollowing day.. after sleeping at 530am and waking at 1230, i was of course, a little blur la.. luckily didn't drink much the night before.. hehe.. proceeded to follow jem and his dad to go car hunting.. then on, followed him to cheras to have his hair cut.. then went to have dinner with Sv, Z and N2, haiming, and Jem @ kaki corner in cheras.. and then went to atmos@12SI to celebrate Jess aka Bangali's birthday.. hehehe.. reached there and met up with romel and then proceeded in.. hmm.. it was kinda okay la.. nothin much to do in atmos anymore.. it's already kinda boring.. haihzz.. but then, wanted to go la.. cuz it was my weekend off.. heheh.. aki came along like at 1.. and OMG, just because he felt like it.. opened a bottle of Chivas for us.. and he didn't know jess, doesn't know it's his bday.. how good is that wei. THX Aki. :D so then at 220, went to *pop* with haiming.. took 5 each.. that really got a little light headed la.. was supposed to follow jem back home at 130 wan.. but then.. cuz i wanted to pop, so stayed on till after 2 la..atmos closed at 3 as usual and then we were all wondering what to do and where to go.. (btw, jess was super wasted la.. :D bday boy, nvm la. hehe.) then, the word GENTING sprang up out of nowhere. hahahahahah.. and then, at almost 4 in the morning, we decided to go to Genting. nice one la. :D Sundaythe funny thing was. when we reached genting.. a lot of ppl were half asleep.. haha.. and had lost the feel to go yum cha.. so where to go now? DIM SUM @ connaught! hahaha.. i was like.. oh, okayyyyyyy.. hahaha.. but then.. ervin didn't really want to go, cuz he was like super sleepy.. haha.. and so was I.. so we went back to ervin's place la.. reached at 7 in the morning.. then still couldn't go have my rest.. all wanted to go eat breakfast.. hahahaha... i was like.. want mehh.. but ok la.. let's go eat.. chee cheong fun.. :Dafter eat.. OMG. i fell asleep in the room in 1.5 seconds. until nick came along and stole half my matress space. ^&$(&#*$)@ in the end, only slept 3 hours.. claustrophobia setting in.. the rest of the day was uneventful ler.. nothin much happened.. (btw, they woke up at 9pm. hahahaha.. )Mondaynothin much happened on monday.. hahaha..
same old number, btw.
all those who know me on MSN or my hp number..
kindly tell me your contact numbers again via sms or IM. thanks!
first things first! College is bloody over!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! :D
mind's pretty empty.. block!
Name:Eric ã¨ãªãã¯
Bdae:6887
Nicks:divinition, Savant
Place of Knowledge: - none -
Contact:linkinpark8@hotmail.com
[[ My Adores ]]
Food: Japanese. Without a doubt. (and chocolate..)
Drinks: Limau Ais.
Pastimes: Pool, Foos, MSN, tv, and friends. :D
People: Friends
[[ My Detests ]]
People: Rempits, MCs, Kurapzz.
Things: (Yet to be assertained.)
Food: Petai, brinjal, bitter gourd. Ugghhhh...
[[ Music's Playing ]]
Artist:
Song:
[[ My History ]]
|June 2005|July 2005|August 2005|September 2005|October 2005|November 2005|December 2005|January 2006|February 2006
[[ The Conversations ]]
[[ My Friends ]]
Zer0
Alllyy
Abby
Emily
Johnson
Julia
Kelly
lazyjem
Lie Peh
Moon Yee
Natalie
quaintly_pinkpau
Rachel
Sabs
Sern Li
Shijuanzhu
Rollerbuzz
Amanda Mun
Tammy
Yuenz
[[ Credits ]]
|Ev0nE's World Of Emptyness|
|Ev0nE's Fairyland|
|Ev0nE's Tutorials|
|Photobucket|
|Blogskins|
|Blogger|
| The BenSpark Photo-A-Day |